.....I am amazed as I look back throughout the months of writing on these pages of the journey that God has taken me on. It is truly wonderful to imagine who God has in store for me in the coming months and years. I am, today, more in love with Jesus than I can ever remember being at any other point in my life. I have a purpose and a vision for my future. One thing that will never cease to amaze me is the devils attempt to distract me from the gifting and the callings of God in my life. Now looking back over the last year (2006), I can see where I did my own thing and tried as hard as I could to be someone else or something else, but the dreams and purpose of God was not a memory that could be washed away the knowledge of who He is wasn’t a feeling that could be masked. God had already started a process where I was ruined for anything or anyone else. My passion deep within was just to love and be loved, I had just looked horizontally for that love instead of vertically to the One who planted that desire in my heart. I can remember on more than one occasion telling God in alter times and prayer times to ruin me for anything else, to become the foundation and the core of who I was. What a wonderful and marvelous testimony of who Jesus Christ really is and the love He has for His child when I realized that He had actually answered those prayers. In my worst hour those prayers became the demise of my “freedom”, they became the undoing of the devils plan. Can a person ever really understand what it is like to be claimed by the God of the universe until they have ruined themselves and all the same become remodeled into a fresh being? I did nearly everything within my power to destroy that feeling of self betrayal I felt as I tried to walk away from the Lord. There was a problem. I could not walk away from myself! God answers prayer. Without fail and without prejudice, God will fulfill the righteous desires He instills in the heart of His children. All the gates of hell could not prevail against a reformed foundation, all the devils in hell couldn't silence the whisper of the Holy Spirit and all the noise of this world cannot drown out the screaming of a soul betraying itself. It is the supernatural power of a heart and soul that belongs to Christ, and a future that was surrendered and established before the foundations of the earth. How can a man walk away from something within him? I don’t believe it is possible. The devil tries to trick people into thinking they are “walking away” but when they walk they are simply bringing their destiny and purpose along with them to the deep dark places. The person who is trying to drown out what they feel in the present cannot have a future and they cannot let go of the past. When I tried to destroy my current life so I could attempt to live my own life without rules, I never got closer to the essence and the truth of why Christ died for me. It is a transforming revelation to realize that even when you are living a life without God you are drawing nearer to His will and desire by becoming the object of His passion. It is “Gods will that NONE should perish”, so when we are destroying ourselves to forget life's situations or to drown out who our true identity we are actually calling on the most powerful gift and sacrifice that God ever gave us, the gift of mercy. We can never live outside our destiny or who we are, but we can choose to live below it. We can attempt to pile the pleasures and sin of this world on top of who God made us to be in an attempt to hide from life, but it becomes a dead end. By “buring” our calling and purpose it gives the power to the devil to hold who God made us to be over our head. What a parallel of deception and betrayal to ourselves when our "freedom" becomes our bondage. Isn't it amazing that even in our worst times, whether we bury or live out our calling it is always exalted to a place above us. God's word will never return void, and our will is never imposed upon by God. Thank God for mercy and grace, and most of all for believing in His children and seeing the destiny in each and every one of us.....
